It stunk. There. I said it. Not as much as Episode II, not nearly as much as Episode I, but it still stunk.
Sith lacks everything that made Empire great. First and foremost, it lacks a director not named George Lucas. Give him credit for bucking the system and making the films he wants to make. It just so happens that he wants to make films with terribly written (by Lucas) dialogue, flat acting, non sequitur humor, and boring (there - I said that too) repetition.
Empire had a villain in Vader that was larger than life and dominating in a way that made you instantly recognize why everyone cowered in his presence. Sith's villain is, well, an old man with lightning-hands. And nobody knows this except a select few, so why do the loyal Republican army comrades of the Jedi all seem eager to obey a withered politician? At least if he had more lightning, it would be more believable.
Empire had a motley crew of would-be heroes that had flaws, personal problems, and different personalities that clashed in both the quiet and hectic moments. The whiny and bratty savior learning to be a man in a weird budding romantic triangle with his (secret) sister and the rogue. Plus a giant hairy thing. Sith's good guys are one-dimensional clones (oops... there are actual clones, but I'm not talking about them!) who are played by actors that forgot how to act. Sam Jackson should be ashamed, and McGregor might get credit for a decent scene or two if I'm being charitable. I've seen them (and Christensen and Portman) in great roles. Is Lucas that bad a director?
Finally, Empire had at least a line or two of interesting dialogue. Sith had... um... a robot with emphysema? Gratuitous Wookiees (with the worst SW scene ever! Tarzan???)?
Thanks to Adam Fields for teaching us some of the lessons we can all learn from Revenge of the Sith. A few favorites:
- When the leader says “Everything’s fine, go wait on the LAVA PLANET", be suspicious.
- Robots with cutesy voices are annoying, not adorable. That goes double for aliens with cutesy voices. Triple for robots with cutesy voices and smoker’s cough.
- Don’t forget what happened to your mother in the last movie, or there will be extra exposition.
Now, now, I realize that many millions will love this movie. They will say that obvious plot holes like undoing twenty years of 24/7 training with about ten lines of script requires a "willing suspension of disbelief." They will tell me that making the most powerful Force-user in the galaxy a blooming moron who is oblivious to anything going on around him is a necessary plot device to move the story along. They'll point out that ending a raging civil war by bringing all of the leaders together in a single room and then sending a guy hyperspacing across the galaxy to slaughter them is fine from a storytelling perspective. All because we are supposed to "suspend disbelief."
I know about the willing suspension of disbelief. Good films, like good books, draw one in and allow one to willingly let go and fall into the life and breath of the story. This film, however, isn't good. There are just too many holes, too many shortcuts, too many terrible lines of dialogue that are terribly delivered, and no characters to care about, no dramatic tension, and no plot structure to bind the mess together.
I realize this reads as if I just watched the worst movie ever made. Not so, but I had such high hopes. It was supposed to be the best Star Wars movie since 1980. (Well, maybe it was, in which case there are two worthwhile movies out of six...) But it wasn't good. It was incoherent, badly acted, poorly written, and just plain boring in some places. And I love Star Wars. I really do. Did I mention the Tarzan Wookiee? That made me want to cry.
Positive note: Yoda with a lightsaber is still cool. Way cool. :)
