The Ultimate Heresy

It stunk. There. I said it. Not as much as Episode II, not nearly as much as Episode I, but it still stunk.

Sith lacks everything that made Empire great. First and foremost, it lacks a director not named George Lucas. Give him credit for bucking the system and making the films he wants to make. It just so happens that he wants to make films with terribly written (by Lucas) dialogue, flat acting, non sequitur humor, and boring (there - I said that too) repetition.

Empire had a villain in Vader that was larger than life and dominating in a way that made you instantly recognize why everyone cowered in his presence. Sith's villain is, well, an old man with lightning-hands. And nobody knows this except a select few, so why do the loyal Republican army comrades of the Jedi all seem eager to obey a withered politician? At least if he had more lightning, it would be more believable.

Empire had a motley crew of would-be heroes that had flaws, personal problems, and different personalities that clashed in both the quiet and hectic moments. The whiny and bratty savior learning to be a man in a weird budding romantic triangle with his (secret) sister and the rogue. Plus a giant hairy thing. Sith's good guys are one-dimensional clones (oops... there are actual clones, but I'm not talking about them!) who are played by actors that forgot how to act. Sam Jackson should be ashamed, and McGregor might get credit for a decent scene or two if I'm being charitable. I've seen them (and Christensen and Portman) in great roles. Is Lucas that bad a director?

Finally, Empire had at least a line or two of interesting dialogue. Sith had... um... a robot with emphysema? Gratuitous Wookiees (with the worst SW scene ever! Tarzan???)?

Thanks to Adam Fields for teaching us some of the lessons we can all learn from Revenge of the Sith. A few favorites:

• When the leader says “Everything’s fine, go wait on the LAVA PLANET", be suspicious.
• Robots with cutesy voices are annoying, not adorable. That goes double for aliens with cutesy voices. Triple for robots with cutesy voices and smoker’s cough.
• Don’t forget what happened to your mother in the last movie, or there will be extra exposition.

Now, now, I realize that many millions will love this movie. They will say that obvious plot holes like undoing twenty years of 24/7 training with about ten lines of script requires a "willing suspension of disbelief." They will tell me that making the most powerful Force-user in the galaxy a blooming moron who is oblivious to anything going on around him is a necessary plot device to move the story along. They'll point out that ending a raging civil war by bringing all of the leaders together in a single room and then sending a guy hyperspacing across the galaxy to slaughter them is fine from a storytelling perspective. All because we are supposed to "suspend disbelief."

I know about the willing suspension of disbelief. Good films, like good books, draw one in and allow one to willingly let go and fall into the life and breath of the story. This film, however, isn't good. There are just too many holes, too many shortcuts, too many terrible lines of dialogue that are terribly delivered, and no characters to care about, no dramatic tension, and no plot structure to bind the mess together.

I realize this reads as if I just watched the worst movie ever made. Not so, but I had such high hopes. It was supposed to be the best Star Wars movie since 1980. (Well, maybe it was, in which case there are two worthwhile movies out of six...) But it wasn't good. It was incoherent, badly acted, poorly written, and just plain boring in some places. And I love Star Wars. I really do. Did I mention the Tarzan Wookiee? That made me want to cry.

Positive note: Yoda with a lightsaber is still cool. Way cool. :)

Comments

[duane]

haven't seen it yet...but isn't it amazing how episodes IV-VI seemed "postmodern" and EI-III are so "modern?" I mean, it's like Lucas set out to explain everything that made the original 3 so great! what a boomer.

[Paul]

Instead of taking on your problems point-by-point here, I'm just going to recommend checking out www.cinekklesia.com over the next week or two for more . . . nuanced perspectives on this flick. :)

[steven]

Paul - nice plug! :) I'm sure there's more nuance to be found... I really, really WANTED to love this film. I can get over an abundance of plot holes, poor writing, and bad acting... IF the story draws me in and makes me forget. IV and V did just that. III didn't - at least not for me (or Amy, for that matter). I didn't even mention some of the worst offenses for me... no one remembers R2, and he doesn't spill the beans to anyone despite not having his "memory wiped". Obi Wan and Yoda can sense people being killed light years away in IV-VI, but can't tell a Sith Lord is sitting next door. And please don't get me started on some of the worst exposition in film history... I can hear it now...
Assistant Director: Um... how come Luke can see ghosts in the next movies?
Lucas: Oh, I forgot. I'll add a line in the script.
Yoda: By the way, I figured out how to talk to ghosts. I'll teach you later.

I know you loved it Paul... I'm looking forward to some nuance! :)

[Richard]

I rather enjoyed the movie. After all, what is a movie but a nice escape where you can suspend everything you believe in to be transported back in time when people flew around in spaceships through hyperspace and fought with flashlights?

[steven]

Richard, I thought you only got to watch "Annie"! :) Glad you liked it - like I said, I really really wanted to like it too. I wanted to forget everything, be taken away to another time and place, and suspend disbelief. But I couldn't do that this time.
Anakin: Oh no! What have I done? Oh no!
Sidious: Join me.
Anakin: OK. I join you.
It just didn't work for me. I think my expectations were too high, my desire for the movie to be magical again was too great. Searched my feelings, I did, and I still didn't like it. But Yoda with a lightsaber is still way cool. :)

[Me]

You're such a geek!

[Me]

Tarzan comment.

Not the first time this has happened. In Jedi chewbacca did the tarzan yell during the endor fight while swinging from a vine with the ewoks.